Quite often we are asked: do Aurovilians marry?
Yes, they do..
Everyone is free in Auroville to follow their
own inclinations. Many people come as married couples, of course,
but also residents from time to time decide to get married. This
is fairly rare among Westerners, and more common among Tamil Aurovilians,
whose culture is strongly oriented towards marriage and traditionally
places a stigma on any other form of relationship.
The Mother on marriage
Mother, being the free and independent thinker
she was, was quite explicit about marriage in Auroville, and observed
"If a man and woman love each other
and want to live together they may do so without any ceremony. If
they want to separate they can also do so freely. Why should people
be compelled to stay together when they have ceased to love each
In this light, for Westerners coming from a
society which long ago accepted non-marital relationships, and is
generally tolerant of male-male and female-female relationships
as well, binding a relationship in Auroville in marriage seems unnecessary.
Even so, it does happen, sometimes officially in Pondicherry, sometimes
in a 'home-made' little ceremony with friends, flowers, incense
"Outgrowing each other"
In Auroville's intense energy-field, where working
on one's inner development and one's ever deepening knowledge of
self is a common feature, trying to understand the real nature of
one's psychological problems, complexes and consequent projections
comes quite naturally. Understanding may lead to a degree of liberation
and, therefore, it happens more often than not that partners, after
living together for some time, may come to the conclusion that they
have "psychologically outgrown" each other. They realise
that their vision of 'self' and 'other' changed in such a way that
remaining together has no longer any use, and could even stand in
the way of each other's progress. In such a case, a parting seems
After such a parting, most separated couples
continue to have amicable contact, and rarely show any signs of
lasting hostility. Where there are children involved, this can make
an enormous difference to them.
There are also couples who have, consciously,
agreed that their partnership or marriage is their chosen way of
'sadhana': the practice by which perfection is attained. A close
relationship is known to be an excellent tool for discipline and
self-knowledge, joy and inner progress - if viewed and lived
from a particular angle. It is one of the most challenging paths..
And, of course, there are those Aurovilians
who have found peace in living alone, in a quiet, self-contained
way. Besides doing their work for the community, they are content
and fulfilled by the exploration of those inner adventures which
the Integral Yoga irrevocably leads to. There are also cases where
partners, who came to know this state, choose to still remain together,
living in the same house as friends.
Occasionally there are, of course, those who
misuse the above-mentioned freedom. The community is aware of this
and sees it as one of the challenges the township encounters on